Nerf Vortex Football

The Vortex Football is the best $15 you will spend all summer. Better than the tarp you put into your truck bed and filled with water. Better than the wrench that you used to pry open the fire hydrant in front of your house. Better than the baby raft you duct taped mesh into so that you could float beers in the public pool. Better than the frisbee you rendered unusable by supergluing glow sticks to in hopes of playing Ultimate at night. Probably not better than this, but still tremendous by all standards of summer fun.

This magnificent piece of top heavy molded foam will turn any sportstard into a Spartan warrior. AND it whistles, but not loudly enough that your victims will be aware that they have been targeted by a projectile football dart until it is too late. AND it comes in awesome bright colors so that your blind ass won’t miss any plays. AND if you go to the poor part of town it will probably be $13 instead of $15 like it is on this bourgeois Toys R Us money separating vehicle.

This thing is so aerodynamic that I threw it by its tail into a drop kick and it still sailed into a perfect spiral. It fits perfectly in my tiny unergonomic woman-hand, yet is not degrading for a man to be seen playing with. If you prefer regular footballs, I suggest you stock up now since they will soon be obsolete.