Don’t Eat the Lemongrass “Chicken” Lean Cuisine.

I put it down after I ate all of the broccoli out of it, but it was just too late.


The Sunday Chef

meatballsWelcome to another installment of “Awesome Shit That I Cooked Recently.” I managed to crank these kick-ass barbecue meatballs out last week before my landlord stole my oven.

You know I like to make foods on the weekend that can last me all week.  I triumphantly(?) quit my night job this week, but I will probably still make all of my food on Sunday to allow for more sitting on my ass during weeknights.
Turkey Jalapeno Meatballs with BBQ Sizzurp

– 1 Package (20 oz.) Ground Turkey (jive turkey)

– 2 Tbsp. Olive Oil (this time, don’t buy the cheap shit)

– 1 Egg, Beaten (similar in fashion to a red-headed stepchild)

– 1/3 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs (preferably made from real Italians)

– Three Green Onions, Chopped

– One Medium Sized Jalapeño, Chopped

– Sriracha to Taste

– Old Bay to Taste (if you are from Maryland or are awesome enough to own Old Bay anyway.)


    1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (or 175°C, if you are like my roommate and think you are European). Grease a 9×13 inch baking dish or sheet pan with the olive oil. Or use tinfoil and Pam Cooking Spray, with your broke ass.
    2. In a medium bowl, mix together all of the ingredients using your dirty immigrant hands. Form the meat into golf ball sized meatballs. Place about 1 inch apart in the baking dish.
    3. Bake for 15 minutes in the preheated oven, then turn them over, and continue baking for about 5 more minutes, or until somewhat crispy on the outside. Or be like me and bake for 20 minutes without flipping.  I lived.

BBQ Sizzurp

– 1 (32 ounce) jar grape jelly

– 2 (12 ounce) jars chili sauce (such as Heinz Chili Sauce)

– 1 pinch cayenne pepper (optional)


    1. In a pot combine the grape jelly with the chili sauce; add in the cooked meatballs and simmer for about 45 minutes uncovered or until sauce has thickened.
    2. Gloat.

Source: AllRecipes

If You Can’t Cook This, You’re Retarded.

McCormick White Chicken Chili

McCormick- A staple of middle class cuisine since 1889.  Today I discovered that the McCormick World of Flavors store is located in Baltimore, which means I know what the fuck I’m doing this weekend.

But I digress.  The purpose of this post is for me to actually be constructive for once and introduce you to the principle of the “Sunday Chef.”

Because I work two jobs and one of them has a variable schedule, I like to cook a lot of stuff on Sunday and have it for lunch/dinner all week. If in your opinion having to eat the same thing every day for a few days outweighs the benefit of only spending about twenty bucks for an entire week’s worth of food, then this is not the post for you. IF you are still reading, get your ass to the spice aisle at Giant and buy a McCormick spice packet, follow the instructions on the back x2, and enjoy the extra time and money you save by outsmarting the M-F grind and cooking all of your shit on Sunday. I made McCormick White Chicken Chili last night, and with prep time it takes less than an hour. If you make too much you can freeze half or send it over to your neighbor, since you know her man won’t hold a job.

This week’s special- White Chicken Chili.