When you are living on a budget, a little bit of culinary guidance can go a long way. Yesterday I learned that for about six dollars I can make enough chili to last two weeks. Where would I be if I had known this a year ago? I would be eating all chili all the time and probably have all of my college debt paid down via only spending 12 dollars a month at the grocery store. I would have the cleanest colon this side of the DMV. I might even have had enough savings to pay my taxes this year (Maryland likes to help themselves to a little extra, I guess what they are getting from my shit-ass meager paychecks year ’round isn’t enough to get the clean hookers. Dickensian mufuggaz.).
If you are like me and don’t live close enough to raid your mom’s refrigerator when you’re shit-ass broke, I highly recommend that you drop eight dollars on this culinary and literary masterpiece. Even if all of your food turns out poorly, Cookin’ With Coolio is still worth it for the entertainment value or as a gift for any friend who is semi- literate and has a sense of humor.
I like this book because as a novice at cooking, I get a lot out of Coolio’s earthy bits of wisdom, such as “Having the right utensils is a good start, but then you gotta show them who’s the boss up in this bitch.” In that sentence Coolio provided me with more tools to succeed than the career services department at the shit-ass university I went to.
Coolio also stands behind the quality of his recipes. Instead of offering my usual disclaimer when I serve my barely edible, charred bits of aliment to my boyfriend and roommate, I can now throw them a curveball.
“Seriously, if someone don’t like this appetizer, you gotta grab they scruffy ass by the back of their neck and throw them out on the lawn. I can’t help people like that.”
If Coolio said it, it must be true. I can no longer help the shit-asses who don’t understand the genius of my cooking as a result of this book.